"Those of you that did well in the math portion of the ASVAB, line up in multiples of 3 to form columns which, when divided by 5, would give you a non-prime number."
"You can bake and grind nuts, but I'd stay away from pureeing and don't even go near your panini grill until after June 15th."
"I was born under the 'Parking' sign. My mother never made it from the car to the hospital."
"The surgery went fine, though I can't say much for their post-operative sensitivity."