 "I put an extension on my tax return like you suggested, but I still don't think it's going to get there on time." |  "...and this will calculate your earned average income, corporate tax rate, and allowable charitable contributions." |  (Hello. You've reached the IRS help line. Press 1 if you've been slightly negligent and need more time to procrastinate; press 2 if you're not very good at math and made some glaring errors; press 3 if you're a lying cheat and hope we won't notice |  "Here's what I think happened: he was wounded by Schedule A and B; then he was hit by Schedule D, which brought him to his knees. Then, as he was crawling to reach his calculator, he gets it square in the pocketbook by Schedule C, and that's what finally did him in." |