"I got excellent advice on my tax return from a very knowledgeable guy. All the while he cleaned my windshield and checked the air pressure in my tires." | "You know that mail order company that promised to show you how to avoid a tax audit? Well, their package just arrived." | (Hello. You've reached the IRS help line. Press 1 if you've been slightly negligent and need more time to procrastinate; press 2 if you're not very good at math and made some glaring errors; press 3 if you're a lying cheat and hope we won't notice | "Here's what I think happened: he was wounded by Schedule A and B; then he was hit by Schedule D, which brought him to his knees. Then, as he was crawling to reach his calculator, he gets it square in the pocketbook by Schedule C, and that's what finally did him in." |