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"I'm just saying, if we're able to make all these advancements in engineering, architecture, and the sciences, you'd think someone would find a way of putting pockets in a tunic."
"Mr. President, the Confederate army is missing in Virginia, several more of our officers have defected to the South, oh, and bad news - Mrs. Lincoln's redesigned tea service won't be here until Friday."
("Stonewall" Jackson - Confederate general who led his troops to victory at Bull Run. - "Beast" Butler - Union Army general who held the occupation of Baltimore and New Orleans. - "Sneeze shield" Polk - Union general victorious at The Battle at Cracker Barrel's Salad Bar.)
(Popular Civil War Eatery - Hard Tack Cafe)
"Living on the Nile is wonderful. It brings us water, it brings us mud for bricks, it brings us fish, it brings us green pastures ..."
(In ancient Egypt, only noblemen drove horse drawn chariots. Farmers were forced to use more plentiful animals.)
"Remember, he's known as the "Catfish King," but never call him that to his face."
(Lesser known gods of ancient Egypt - Cheers - God of Hangovers - You and your buddies fermenting barley again? - Anorex - God of Dieting - Does this Kalasirius make me look fat? - Hilarius - God of Stand-Up Comedy - C'mon folks. My cousin the embalmer gets more laughs than this.)