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"You have the first case of identity theft I've ever seen where the thieves actually returned the identity because the credit was so bad."

"I don't know how the heck these credit agencies get this information, but I returned that rake and snow blower to my neighbor 6 months ago!"

"Coming out of bankruptcy, I can say I learned my lesson - don't spend what your relatives don't have."

"Oh, her? That's Ms. Lamont, our plan administrator. She's going to help me determine your eligibility in our 401(k) plan."