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 "Robin, some of the men thought our mission statement, 'Steal from the rich. Give to the poor.', didn't quite cover it, and would like to include 'Forest Conservation, Wilderness Survival, the Advancement of Recreational Archery, Ambushing Techniques, Bird Watching...'" |  "Tell the Community Recycling Initiative that I've received their fundraising letter." |  "Do I recommend a hedge fund strategy? Let me put it to you this way: I'm a strict Catholic who goes to Temple every Saturday, so 'yes,' I would recommend a hedge fund strategy." |  "I asked my investment advisor for something that was low cost, easy to manage, and also functions on its own. He suggested an index fund or a robo vac." |
 "Being Dracula's slave didn't pay much, but Renfield always found extra money to invest." |  "Annuities? Equity Income? Tax-free Municipals? I say we stick the money in the ground like always, and then feed this guy to the sharks." |  (Warren Buffet ate here.) "It hasn't helped me sell more hot dogs, but I've had several inquiries for investment advice." |  (4 food franchises to avoid investing in. International House of Broccoli, Squid-on-a-Stick, Liverland, McOffals.) |