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 "I was looking for an annuity that came with a rate that was fixed, not neutered." |  (Locally grown stocks - Farm fresh CDs - Free range annuities) |  "We've got several hollow tree options to consider. How many nuts were you looking to invest at this time?" |  "Seriously - why always a black bat cave? Why not a mauve bat cave? Or an egg shell bat cave? We could do a wallpaper wainscoting in contrasting stripes |
 "You did an excellent job, Dave. But two months seems a long time to paint the bathroom." |  "We got a hybrid loan. It starts out as a fixed rate loan, converts into an ARM, and if the lender's not satisfied with his return, we host his in-laws every other summer in the basement." |  "The paperwork for your mortgage seems to be in order. Now, if we can tap a vein for your signature we'll be all set." |  "When we bought it 5 years ago the mortgage payments seemed huge. But we got used to it. Please, pull up an orange crate and make yourself comfortable." |